| Jan. 20th, 2009 @ 10:28 pm Tears |
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Current Music: Sonic and Knuckles: Sand in My Shoe remix
Well, I did say I would keep my own thoughts here rather then on DA so I might as well do so.
I saw someone. Someone I have not seen in many months. One who I thought was gone from my life forever. The one person I thought would be my last hope into getting into the congregation. I nearly cried, trying to fight back tears. For a while, I thought he was coming bad, but no, health issues keep his family away now. At least now I know why he moved away. I still remember how devastated I was to learn that the one elder who really reached out to me beyond the congregation meetings had suffered the same punishment as me for reasons I will likely never know. He has been reinstated since then elsewhere but he gave me the impression he still fights whatever it was the started his own calamity. I have to wonder what it was... what could have affected someone of his stature, authority, and his unique kindness he offered me.
I still remember that first day he came to my house. I do not know how he figured out where I lived but sure enough he was there, with print off copies of a watchtower magazine talking about depression, which I was deeply in. I was embarrassed as I was a under dressed when I answered the door. I was frustrated that he would bother me at home. I said good bye and did not think much of it. Went and read his stuff and put it way, never looked at again. But now that I look back, that was probably the most I have ever been touch by anyone here in the North Platte congregation.
I would ramble on about all the mistakes I made... but my mind is tired... I do not even feel like repeating what I already listed in my head as my mistakes onto the keyboard. I just need sleep, and hope my new friend is there tomorrow. She has kept me company that I have needed though did not appreciate until now. That is still my problem. Not appreciating it until it is desperately needed or lost...
Oddly enough, that person (assumed to be male) that showed me the hate journal just instant messaged me out of the blue for the first time. So I guess what he felt in why he told me is that he hangs out around the account to get a good laugh now and then, but when he saw the journal attack on me, felt it went way over what the club normally did and felt it was right to tell me of its existence. I thanked him for it since it relieved me to know it was not just a sudden coincidental attack of watchers who did not like what I posted all of a sudden but rather an elaborate propaganda attack on me. When I saw it, I just skimmed a little bit of it and really did not think much of it, though I was sorely angry on single attack on the Great Hillary. That made me the most angry. There was much truth in what they said about me, but not the vicious lies they said about the Great Hillary.
I still will not share that journal with anyone. Last thing I want to start is a battle or war over things. At least Kaelee was not attacked like I originally thought she was according to that fellow. No hate journals showed up when he looked around. So it is not there at least.
I might as well delete the not with the journal link in it. That is one of the few histories I do not need to remember.
~Eclipsis |
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